Mental Health & Wellbeing

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Narcissistic Abuse in the Lives of Women Who Lead

They sit on panels. They run boardrooms. They mentor others. And yet, they go home to partners who undermine them, isolate them or emotionally deplete them before the morning coffee is brewed.

For too many women in leadership, particularly Black, Asian and ethnically minoritised women narcissistic abuse hides behind wedding rings, polished Instagram profiles and professional partnerships. What begins as validation becomes surveillance. What looked like loyalty becomes control. And because the world sees her success, few suspect the emotional warfare she’s navigating behind the scenes.

This is not about weakness. It’s about proximity to power. Narcissistic abusers are often drawn to accomplished women because controlling a leader validates their own insecurity. And culturally, women are often trained to endure rather than expose. Especially in African, Caribbean, South Asian and diasporic households, the message is “Don’t embarrass the family. Stay quiet. Be strong.”

So we know it often begins with charm. The person who believes in your business, your brilliance, your vision. Who supports your leadership. Until they don’t. Until the compliments turn to criticisms. Until you're apologising for feeling uncomfortable. Until the woman who runs her own company, mentors others, and balances payroll can’t recognise her own reflection.

This is the hidden epidemic in our boardrooms, bedrooms, WhatsApp groups and even spiritual communities. Narcissistic abuse!

It’s a psychological weapon dressed in charisma. And women, especially Black, Asian and ethnically minoritised women are often the last to name it because the cultural scripts around loyalty, silence and strength run so deep.

Narcissistic abuse includes a wide spectrum of tactics, love bombing, gaslighting, financial control, image grooming, triangulation and emotional withdrawal.

Research from India’s National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences (NIMHANS) shows a significant under reporting of emotional abuse among married women due to stigma and family honour. In the UK, Women's Aid reports that 95% of domestic abuse victims experience psychological abuse.

Studies by the University of the West Indies highlight the cultural expectation in many Caribbean families to endure for the sake of family unity. And in the US, research by the CDC and Black Women’s Health Imperative has shown that emotional abuse often intersects with racial trauma, particularly post-pandemic.

Behind the Mask

The pandemic didn’t just lock us down. It trapped thousands of women in homes with their abusers. Many were leading teams on Zoom, teaching children remotely and managing entire households while enduring emotional manipulation behind closed doors. The UN described this global spike in abuse as the “shadow pandemic.”

And still, women stayed. Not because they were weak, but because narcissistic abuse distorts the logic centres of the brain. According to Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, author of The Body Keeps the Score, chronic emotional abuse triggers the same stress-response pathways as physical danger. The prefrontal cortex goes offline. The amygdala lights up. And survival replaces strategy.

In SistaTalk, we work to bring that strategy back. Our Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Series helps women understand the cycle, rebuild self-trust and reconnect with the community. Through curated workshops, cross-cultural healing circles and real-world advocacy tools, we are reclaiming emotional autonomy.

Culturally, the barriers to leaving and healing are many. In South Asian communities, women often face threats of ostracisation. In West African homes, elders are rarely challenged. In Western systems, women of colour are over policed and under protected, making disclosure even riskier. And when you add entrepreneurship or executive roles into the mix, the pressure to ‘keep it together’ becomes almost unbearable.

But we must talk about this. Not behind closed doors. Out loud. Across generations. And with deep cultural context.

If you are leading in public but doubting yourself in private…

If you’re being isolated, monitored or manipulated by someone who once felt like a lifeline…

You are not alone. You are not broken. You are simply waking up from a system of control.

Join the Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Series and access culturally intelligent tools for restoration and emotional safety at: https://www.nbwn.org/group/mental-health-wellbeing/discussion