When Envy Becomes a Teacher:
How Emotionally Intelligent Leaders Turn Comparison Into Progress.
In leadership, we often pretend that envy belongs to the insecure or the unprepared. But the emotions we hide are usually the ones shaping our behaviour the most.
Research from the University of California shows that envy activates the brain’s threat response, not because we are jealous of others, but because our nervous system interprets their success as evidence that we are falling behind.
Organisational psychologist Dr. Peter Totterdell discovered that when feelings of envy within teams go unacknowledged, they don’t simply disappear, they quietly shape behaviour in harmful ways. Instead of fostering open collaboration, these suppressed emotions create an undercurrent of silent competition, where individuals focus on outperforming peers rather than sharing knowledge or supporting collective goals.
Over time, this dynamic erodes trust, reduces psychological safety, and can lead to fragmented teamwork, ultimately undermining productivity and innovation.
Meanwhile, Caribbean scholar Professor Donna Hope at the University of the West Indies observes that in tightly knit communities, the act of comparison carries a double edge.
When processed negatively, through resentment or unchecked rivalry, it can fracture long-standing relationships, erode trust, and destabilise the social fabric that holds these groups together.
Conversely, when framed as healthy benchmarking and supported by communal values, comparison can become a powerful catalyst for collective aspiration, motivating individuals to elevate their efforts while reinforcing shared pride and solidarity.
This dynamic underscores the importance of cultural context and emotional regulation in shaping whether comparison becomes divisive or transformative.
Emotionally aware leaders do not try to escape envy. They use it as data.
Here is what they avoid:
They do not hide it. Suppression only pushes the emotion underground.
They do not feel ashamed. Envy is evidence of desire, not deficiency.
They do not silently compare. Secret score-keeping leads to resentment.
They do not avoid the feeling. What we ignore eventually leaks into behaviour.
They do not assume someone else’s success is their failure, as Harvard’s growth mindset research confirms, success is not a finite resource.
Here is what they do instead:
They acknowledge the feeling. Naming emotion reduces its intensity.
They ask “What is this pointing me toward?” Envy reveals unmet goals.
They turn desire into direction by writing their version of the life they want.
They use the feeling as fuel, not evidence they are behind.
They take one small action, because progress, however tiny, breaks the emotional spell.
They check their values, ensuring the goal is theirs, not borrowed from someone else’s highlight reel.
Envy is not a sign that you are losing. It is a signal that something within you is ready to grow.
When Comparison Becomes Your Turning Point
Envy is not proof that you’re falling behind, it is your mind signalling an unclaimed possibility. That sharp emotional sting does not mean you are losing, it means your potential has been awakened before your confidence has caught up.
Every time you feel that internal pull, it is not a threat to your worth. It is a compass pointing toward the next version of yourself.
The real question shifts from “Why them?” to “What is this feeling trying to teach me?”
Growth begins the moment envy stops being a wound and starts serving as information. A guide to where you’re meant to rise next.
If this reframed something for you, share your reflections below and tag a leader who deserves to turn comparison into clarity, not criticism.
