3 Things We Can Learn About Early Narcissistic Behaviour
I stumbled upon this intriguing piece from Reflections On Relationships - Topics, Opinions & Experiences and couldn’t resist sharing it with you. The story is compelling, and the lessons are powerful. Take my word for it, this is one of those thought-provoking case studies from an Anonymous Authour that makes you reflect on the dynamics of relationships, boundaries, and red flags. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on this one – it’s just too good to keep to myself!
"Exactly what is wrong with men? A girlfriend of mine came to visit me for 2 days and asked if she could bring her brother along whom I had never met before. The answer was yes and the sleeping arrangements would be that her brother would have my guest room, should would sleep in my room and I would sleep on the couch. The first night we stayed in, had drinks and listened to music. Her brother began telling me how beautiful I am and complimenting me on my house decor etc. He asked why I am single and I expressed that I have zero tolerance for BS. He indicated that he likes me and wants to get to knew me better. We carried on with the basic questions like where do you live, occupation, ever been married before, how many children, etc. We discovered that we have alot in common and we are both attracted to one another.
The next night we went out to my local hang out and had a great time. During the evening, he asked me if I was going to be in room once we returned to my house. The answer was absolutely not as we had just met 24 hours before and I'm not that girl who sleeps with strangers. I found his question offensive and explained that well before sleeping with me, we would have to date extensively and definitely get to know each other. He continued trying to convince me to no avail. He became irritated, short and quiet. His entire energy changed and he said that he was ready to leave. On the way home, we stopped to grab some food. While en route, he extended his hand and asked for some fries. I handed him a few fries. Seconds later he asked for more fries. Again, I handed him a few more fries. Suddenly he started yelling and cursing at me to give him the whole container of fries. I was shocked and decided to meet him with the same energy. I knew his anger had nothing to do with fries but he was pissed because I wasn't sleeping with him that night.
Once we arrived home, he asked why I had an attitude...what??? I broke the whole conversation down for him. I proved my point by telling him that if he knew me, he would have never approached me by expecting to sleep with him on day two. He apologised and I accepted however, my entire attitude towards him had changed. I'm the first to admit to cutting men off quickly (again no time for BS).
Taking everything into consideration, he is very attractive, makes great money, likes to travel, has his owner everything etc. I'm going back and forth in my head about continuing to converse with this person. Do I throw the whole situation in the trash or give him more time to see how he handles me going forward? I'm a strong believer that when people show you who they are, believe them. I also believe that nobody is perfect. The red flag here is the attitude he displayed when he didn't get his way."
Source: Anonymous Authour
You have to admit this encounter raises critical points about navigating the complexities of narcissistic behaviour in relationships, especially when subtle but significant warning signs, like entitlement and manipulation, begin to emerge early on. Recognising these red flags can be challenging because they are often masked by charm and surface-level compatibility. However, as this case study shows, these behaviours can quickly escalate if not addressed.
Understanding how to spot them early can empower you to set boundaries, protect your emotional well-being, and make informed decisions about the future of the relationship. Let’s dive deeper into three key lessons we can take away from this situation:
1. Entitlement and Instant Gratification:
Discussion Point: Why do some individuals feel entitled to immediate intimacy or affection, especially when it’s only been a brief encounter?
Lesson: Narcissistic behaviour often stems from a deep sense of entitlement. In this case, the brother’s reaction when his request was denied clearly signals his belief that he deserved something simply because he wanted it. When people don’t respect boundaries early on, it can be a significant red flag.
Question: Have you ever experienced situations where someone acted entitled to your time, energy, or affection? How did you respond?
2. Emotional Manipulation and Gaslighting:
Discussion Point: The rapid shift in behaviour from charm to anger is classic emotional manipulation. What are the warning signs of this behaviour and how can we protect ourselves from falling into the trap?
Lesson: When someone shifts from sweet to hostile because they don’t get their way, it’s a form of manipulation. By asking why she had an "attitude" after his outburst, the brother tries to gaslight the narrator, making her question her reaction to his inappropriate behaviour.
Question: How do you recognise manipulation in early relationships, and what steps do you take to set boundaries?
3. Red Flags and Self-Reflection:
Discussion Point: The story ends with a dilemma: should she cut him off or give him more time? How do we balance the need to trust our instincts about red flags with giving people a second (and often third, and more) chance?
Lesson: The old adage “when people show you who they are, believe them” is vital. Red flags are often signals that shouldn’t be ignored. The female intuition tells her this behaviour is unacceptable, and it’s essential to reflect on whether tolerating such behaviour might lead to worse and more disruptive situations.
Question: How do you handle red flags in relationships? What is your process for deciding when to walk away or when to give someone another chance?
"Taking everything into consideration, he is very attractive, makes great money, likes to travel, and has his own everything. But the red flag here is the attitude he displayed when he didn’t get his way. Should I ignore the early signs of entitlement and aggression just because he checks a lot of boxes on paper? While I’m a strong believer that nobody is perfect, I also stand by the idea that when people show you who they are, you should believe them. Now I’m stuck between giving him more time to prove himself or trusting my gut and cutting things off before they escalate further. After all, how someone reacts to boundaries tells you a lot about who they really are."
What are your thoughts? Have you ever been in a similar situation? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Should she give him another chance or walk away now? Let’s keep the conversation going, and don’t forget to share this story with others who might be facing the same dilemma.
