Signs of an Abusive or Narcissistic Relationship And How to Protect Yourself
The Common Manipulation Behaviours to Watch Out For
Gaslighting
They do something hurtful, deny it, then accuse you of “being crazy.” Gaslighting is a highly deceptive form of manipulation where the abuser commits hurtful actions, then flatly denies them, even asserting that you are “imagining things” or “overreacting.” Over time, this tactic chips away at your confidence, making you doubt your own memories, emotions and sense of reality. Victims often feel confused, anxious or like they’re going crazy.
Projection
They accuse you of doing what they are doing.
Instead of taking responsibility for their own misconduct, manipulators will flip the script and accuse you of precisely what they’re doing. For example, they might call you jealous when they’re the ones snooping around or accuse you of being dishonest while lying themselves. This twisted game muddles your understanding of who did what and it forces you to defend yourself against accusations you don’t deserve.
False Promises (Future Faking)
They paint a rosy future… then deliver a nightmare. Narcissists often paint an enticing future, full of exciting plans, rosy dreams or declarations of forever. This is called "future faking." But once commitment is established, the dazzling vision vanishes, only to be replaced by neglect, broken promises or even emotional abandonment.
Chronic Lying & Manipulation
Their words don’t match their actions, ever! Inconsistent words and actions are a hallmark of manipulative behaviour. They'll promise one thing, then do or say, another. Every interaction feels deceptive, as you’re constantly trying to make sense of their contradictory behaviour. That kind of instability undermines trust and leaves you perpetually uneasy.
Emotional Coercion
They use guilt, charm, fear, hope, obligation or love to control you. Manipulators are masters at using your emotions against you. They may weaponise guilt, shower you with charm, actively evoke fear or obligation or even play the victim so you’ll feel compelled to save them. Sometimes they splash in love and affection just enough to keep you hooked and off-balance.
Trigger for Reaction, Then Deny
They provoke fights and play innocent. Their strategy often involves pushing your buttons, starting fights, provoking emotional responses, then acting bewildered when you become upset. Suddenly, they “don’t know why you’re upset,” even though they instigated the conflict. This deliberate setup normalises abusive behaviour and puts the onus on you.
Dual Persona (“Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde”)
Charming one moment, cruel the next. By day, they're charming, attentive, maybe even heroic. By night, cold, critical, unpredictable. This split personality keeps you in a state of cognitive whiplash, former lovers and friends talk about two entirely different people. The “Dr. Jekyll” persona is the mask, “Mr. Hyde” is the true manipulator beneath.
No Empathy or Guilt
They show little to no regret or concern for your feelings. True remorse is rare. Instead, they may offer half-hearted apologies or empty words that lack substance. Deep down, they don't genuinely see or care about your pain. This emotional void allows them to continue their tactics without hesitation .
Aggression & Silent Treatment
Yelling, name-calling, shaming, ignoring you as punishment. They may lash out with yelling, name-calling, insults or withdraw completely and go silent as a form of punishment. The silent treatment, in particular, is a powerful control tool. It forces you to chase them, apologise and walk on eggshells. This behaviour establishes dominance and emotional control.
The Abuse Cycle
All these Behaviours aren’t random, they often follow the narcissistic abuse cycle. Love-bombing during idealisation, followed by devaluation (gaslighting, harsh treatment), discarding (rejection or withdrawal) and potential hoovering (false reconciliation attempts). It’s a toxic loop designed to entrap you emotionally, making it nearly impossible to break away or heal.
These tactics, whether isolated or combined, are tools of emotional warfare. They erode self-worth, confuse your perceptions and keep you locked in an exhausting power struggle. But recognising the signs is the first step toward regaining control.
If you see these red flags in your relationship:
Document the behaviours with your reality journal.
Share your experience privately with someone you trust.
Set clear boundaries and enforce them consistently.
Reach out for help, whether from friends, a support group or a therapist.
Create A Reality Journal
After any tense encounter, jot down facts. Date, what happened, what was said, how you felt. This helps you detach and see patterns clearly, fighting the gaslighting effect.
Stop, Breathe, Check-In
Before reacting, pause and take 5 deep breaths. Ask yourself: “Is this their issue or mine?” This prevents knee-jerk emotional reactions and regaining control using emotional intelligence.
Set and Enforce Boundaries
Decide what you’ll tolerate, silent treatment off-limits, insults unacceptable. State them clearly and stick to them. This keeps emotional abusers from overstepping personal limits.
Strengthen Your Support Network
Reach out to trusted friends or family after interactions for reassurance and validation. This shields you from isolation and reminds you you’re not alone.
Affirmations & Self-Care Rituals
Use positive statements: “I’m worthy of respect.” Take time for things that make you feel good. This will help you to rebuild your self-esteem, emotional resilience and confidence.
Plan Your Exit Strategy
If things get chronically toxic, consider a safe exit plan. Documentation, trusted confidants and alternative living arrangements. By creating your strategy it will keep you prepared and protected, no matter what happens.
Recognising the tactics of manipulation is the first step toward reclaiming your power.
With informed awareness, clear boundaries and a strong support system, you can begin to heal and protect your emotional health. You deserve healthy relationships filled with empathy, respect and genuine care.
If you recognise any of these behaviours in your past or present, know that you are not alone and your story matters. Your experiences, insights or the steps you’ve taken to reclaim your power could be the encouragement someone else is waiting for.
Whether you’ve tried some of these exercises or have found your own path to healing, sharing your journey can make a real difference. If this message resonated with you, let it serve as a reminder of your strength and the power of community. Pass it on to someone who might need that same reminder, because every healing journey begins with the courage to speak up, reach out and believe in the possibility of change.
