The Circle Around the Narcissist Is Never Accidental
They don’t operate alone.
Narcissists are often surrounded by three types of people:
Those who enable.
Those who ignore.
And those who applaud.
Each plays a role. Each helps maintain the illusion.
Enablers aren't neutral. They are co-architects of abuse. They soothe the narcissist’s ego, cover the lies, excuse the outbursts and often gaslight the victim
“You’re too sensitive”
“You always provoke them”
“They didn’t mean it.”
All while the mask stays perfectly in place for everyone but you.
But it’s the silence of the bystanders that can be the most dangerous.
The friends who "don’t want to get involved"
The family "who never saw that side"
The police who "record a threat to life as a threat to property."
In 2014, Valerie Forde and her one-year-old daughter were brutally murdered in Hackney, East London, by her ex-partner just weeks after he threatened to burn down her home. That threat was reported. That red flag was logged. But it wasn’t heard.
Instead of escalating the case, the police downgraded it, treating it as a property matter, not a life-threatening one. Valerie and her baby were left unprotected. She was failed by a system that didn’t take her seriously. And she is not alone.
Every week in the UK, two women are murdered by a current or former partner.Many of them reported abuse. Many of them gave warning signs. Many of them were met with silence, denial or disbelief.
Gaslighting doesn’t just happen in relationships. It happens in systems.
When institutions minimise threats, when families avoid confrontation, when communities silence survivors, abuse thrives.
Red flags are not drama. They're data. They are evidence. And they must be acted on before the next name is added to the list.
Let Valerie’s name stand for more than a tragedy. Let it stand for a turning point. Valerie’s Law calls for mandatory cultural competency training for police forces so that race, bias and ignorance no longer stand between women and their safety.
If you’ve been gas lit, ignored or forced into silence, your story matters. Your fear is valid and your truth deserves space.
Speak it here.
Stand with others who see the pattern and never let silence be the reason someone else isn’t saved.
If this post spoke to your experience, like it as a quiet act of solidarity. Share a red flag you wish had been seen, heard or taken seriously, because your voice could validate someone else’s truth. And if there’s someone in your life who needs this reminder, pass it on. Let them know, silence is not innocence and they are not imagining it.
Picture Sources: SistaSpace and
NENEValley Christian Family Refuge Ltd
