The Survival Illusion:
What We Normalise Shapes More Than We Realise.
There are moments when strength is not strength at all, but survival wearing a convincing mask. Behavioural science shows that the human brain adapts quickly to what is repeated, not to what is healthy. Over time, what begins as coping quietly becomes normal. This is where many women find themselves, functioning, achieving, holding everything together, while their bodies, boundaries and self-worth pay the price.
One of the most overlooked patterns is how unprocessed trauma quietly shapes our relationships and identity. Neuroscience tells us that the nervous system learns safety through familiarity. When emotional inconsistency, over-responsibility or manipulation is repeated, the brain stops questioning it. We begin to call endurance “resilience,” even as stress hormones remain elevated and self-trust erodes. This is not weakness, it is biology adapting to survive.
The same patterns show up powerfully in toxic workplaces and organisations. Research in occupational health shows that environments lacking psychological safety increase burnout, anxiety and stress-related illness. For Black women in particular, scholars such as Dr Joy DeGruy remind us that historical and cultural conditioning often rewards over-functioning and silence. Toxic organisations do not just drain energy, they dysregulate the nervous system and distort our sense of worth.
There is also the quiet impact of chronic stress on women’s health, especially during life transitions such as menopause. Prolonged cortisol exposure affects memory, immunity, sleep and emotional regulation. When stress is normalised, symptoms are dismissed as personal failure rather than signals from the body asking for change.
At the centre of all of this is self-worth and boundaries. When survival becomes the standard, boundaries feel selfish and rest feels undeserved. Yet behavioural science is clear. Healthy relationships, personal and professional, are built on reciprocity, safety and accountability, not endurance.
If this resonates, it may be time to look more closely at what you have normalised and why.
Read the full blog, The Survival Illusion, to explore these patterns in depth, with science, cultural insight and reflection at https://www.nbwn.org/post/the-survival-illusion
If this stirred something, share it with a sister. Awareness is often the first step out of survival and into choice.
