Things a Narcissist Will Never Do for You and Why Claudia Kambanza’s Story Still Haunts Us
They’ll never ask how your day was.
They won’t care about your tears unless it’s about them.
They won’t apologise from the heart, only to regain control.
They’ll never uplift your friends, your dreams or your truth.
They’ll twist your mind until you’re doubting yourself and still expect you to stay.
That list may seem harsh. But for many, it’s not just a meme. It’s the memory of a relationship that stole their voice, drained their joy and sometimes… took their life.
Like Claudia Sheya Kambanza
She was only 22. A radiant spirit. A second-born daughter. A dancer. She filled rooms with light and TikTok with laughter. But on 26 January 2024, in the early hours of the morning,
Claudia was stabbed on Hinderwell Street in Hull. She died shortly after being rushed to hospital.
Her boyfriend, Mateus Johannes, 28, was charged with her murder and possession of a bladed weapon.
Claudia’s family now face the impossible task of repatriating her body to Namibia, where she was born, while trying to understand how this could happen to someone so full of promise.
What We Missed and What We Must Start Seeing
So many women who enter toxic or narcissistic relationships don’t even realise it at first. They see the charm. The attention. The emotional intensity.
They don’t notice the red flags because society tells them that obsession is “romantic” and jealousy is a sign of love.
But narcissists and abusers operate on patterns and Claudia’s death is tragically part of one.
A charming partner with a need for control
Isolation dressed as intimacy
Emotional withdrawal followed by rage
Apologies that act more like resets than remorse
If we as friends, families and communities don’t understand these tactics, we risk leaving the next Claudia completely alone.
What Parents and Friends Should Watch For
Is your loved one suddenly quieter or pulling away from their usual circles?
Do they excuse a partner’s controlling or jealous behaviour as “just protective”?
Do they seem constantly anxious, overexplaining, or apologising for everything?
Are there signs of love-bombing or cycles of high highs followed by deep emotional crashes?
These aren’t just “bad boyfriends” these are warning signs of coercive control, a form of abuse that escalates over time.
What Narcissistic Partners Will Never Do
Ask you how you really feel, unless it’s to weaponise that later.
Take responsibility for hurting you, just redirect blame.
Let you shine. They’ll always dim your light so they can feel bright.
Support your friendships. They’ll isolate you, so you depend on them.
Celebrate your milestones. They’ll ruin birthdays, jobs, dreams, if it’s not about them, it’s a threat.
And if you try to leave? That’s when it becomes most dangerous.
Should We Create a Public Register for Abusers?
It’s time to ask, why can’t we look up someone’s history the way we check reviews before buying a blender?
A national register, detailing prior domestic violence convictions, restraining orders or substantiated reports, could save lives. It would give women a tool to verify. To protect themselves. To choose differently.
Because charm shouldn't be a cover for cruelty and no woman should lose her life for loving the wrong person.
What Needs to Happen Now
Education in schools on coercive control, manipulation and trauma bonds.
Stronger use of Clare’s Law (the right to know your partner’s past).
Mandatory training for GPs, educators and employers to spot red flags.
Investment in mental health services, refuge spaces and community support.
Public awareness campaigns that don’t blame victims but empower them.
Claudia didn’t die because she was weak
She died because our systems still don’t take early warning signs seriously enough.
Let her story be the reason we demand more. Speak louder. Ask the hard questions. Protect our sisters before it’s too late.
If you recognise yourself or someone you love in this story
Don’t wait for proof.
Don’t wait for bruises, your instincts are enough.
Your story matters.
Your life is worth saving.
Remember.
Together, we protect each other. Together, we break the cycle.Together, we honour Claudia and every woman we refuse to lose.
If this post gave you clarity, hope, or fire, don’t keep it to yourself. Like to show that you see the signs. Comment if you’ve been there or if you’ve helped someone through the darkness. Share with a sister, a mentee, or a friend who needs this wake-up call, because together, we protect each other.
Together, we break the cycle and together, we honour Claudia and every woman we refuse to lose.
Picture Source: The Guardian
