Abusive Relationships

“This is what’s known as the Cycle of Violence, where an explosion is followed by a period of remorse, then promises and pursuit, a false honeymoon stage, then a build-up in tension, a standover phase, and another explosion. Then kindness expressed during the false honeymoon stage may feel genuine to the abuser, but this reward phase – like every other part of the cycle – is still all about maintaining control. Periods of kindness, no matter how short, bond the victim to her abuser.” ― Jess Hill, See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Violence 

Let's Talk Abusive Relationships: Power & Control Tactics 

The psychology of Power and Control is a key framework for understanding the dynamics of Domestic Abuse or Intimate Partner Violence (IPV). It refers to the pattern of behaviours that an abuser uses to gain and maintain control over their partner or victim. This framework, originally developed by advocates and researchers in the field of domestic violence, highlights how abusers exert power in various ways, both overt and subtle, to dominate and manipulate their partners within a relationship.

Key aspects of the psychology of Power and Control include: 

Physical Abuse 

This is the most visible form of power and control, involving physical violence or the threat of violence. Abusers use physical force to instil fear and submission in their victims. 

Emotional Abuse 

Abusers often engage in emotional manipulation, belittling, and humiliation. They may undermine their victim’s self-esteem and self-worth, making them feel powerless and dependent on the abuser. 

Isolation 

Abusers frequently isolate their victims from friends and family. By cutting off these social connections, they reduce the victim’s support system and make them more dependent on the abuser. 

Financial Control 

Abusers may control the finances of the relationship, making the victim financially dependent. This can include withholding money, preventing the victim from working, or sabotaging their employment. 

Sexual Abuse 

This involves using sex or sexual coercion as a means of control. Abusers may force unwanted sexual acts on their victims or use sex as a bargaining tool. 

Gaslighting 

Abusers use psychological manipulation to make the victim doubt their own reality. They may deny or minimise abusive behaviours, making the victim question their sanity or perception. 

Threats and Intimidation 

Abusers use threats of harm or other forms of intimidation to control their victims. This can include threats against the victim, their children, or loved ones. 

Monitoring and Surveillance 

Abusers may closely monitor their victim’s activities, including phone calls, texts, and online communications. This invasion of privacy reinforces their control. 

Cycle of Abuse 

The power and control dynamic often follows a cyclical pattern, including tension-building, acute violence, and a honeymoon phase. The abuser may apologise and promise change during the honeymoon phase, only for the cycle to repeat. 

Minimisation and Blame Shifting 

Abusers often downplay their abusive actions or blame their victims for the abuse. This can make it challenging for victims to recognise and report abuse. 

Being in a domestic abuse relationship can have profound and lasting effects on an individual’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. The aftermath of such a relationship often involves a range of psychological and emotional challenges. Survivors may experience a diminished sense of self-worth and self-esteem, as abusers often employ tactics that demean and belittle their victims. This can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame.

Additionally, survivors may suffer from symptoms of anxiety, depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), or other mental health conditions. The trauma endured during the abusive relationship can result in flashbacks, nightmares, and a heightened state of alertness. In the aftermath, people may struggle to rebuild their lives and regain a sense of safety and trust. They may have difficulty forming new relationships or trusting others, which can impact their social and romantic lives. Physical consequences of abuse, such as injuries or chronic health conditions, may persist long after leaving the abusive situation.

To navigate the aftermath successfully, survivors often require support from mental health professionals, support groups, friends, and family. It is important to recognise that healing is possible, and with the right resources and support, survivors can rebuild their lives and move forward towards a healthier, happier future.

Awareness of the abusive strategies of Power and Control is essential for helping victims and survivors of Domestic Abuse to understand their experiences. 

Being in a domestic abuse relationship can have profound and lasting effects on an individual’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. The aftermath of such a relationship often involves a range of psychological and emotional challenges. Survivors may experience a diminished sense of self-worth and self-esteem, as abusers often employ tactics that demean and belittle their victims.

This can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame. Additionally, survivors may suffer from symptoms of anxiety, depression, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), or other mental health conditions.

The trauma endured during the abusive relationship can result in flashbacks, nightmares, and a heightened state of alertness. In the aftermath, people may struggle to rebuild their lives and regain a sense of safety and trust. They may have difficulty forming new relationships or trusting others, which can impact their social and romantic lives.

Physical consequences of abuse, such as injuries or chronic health conditions, may persist long after leaving the abusive situation. To navigate the aftermath successfully, survivors often require support from mental health professionals, support groups, friends, and family. It is important to recognise that healing is possible, and with the right resources and support, survivors can rebuild their lives and move forward towards a healthier, happier future.

Awareness of the abusive strategies of Power and Control is essential for helping victims and survivors of Domestic Abuse to understand their experiences. 

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Nigel Beckles is a respected author, certified relationship coach, and advocate for emotional wellbeing and recovery from narcissistic abuse. With years of research and personal insight, Nigel has become a trusted voice on topics such as toxic relationships, healing after emotional trauma, and personal transformation. His acclaimed book How to Avoid Making the Big Relationship Mistakes and popular podcast Author Nigel Beckles Podcast have empowered thousands of listeners and readers around the world. Nigel is deeply committed to supporting survivors in reclaiming their lives with clarity, confidence, and purpose.  Recognise and report abuse. 

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