RelationshipTalk

Reactive Abuse:

When Survival Looks Like the Problem

Ever found yourself yelling back, defending or lashing out after relentless provocation, only to be told you’re the abuser?

That is reactive abuse. A manipulative cycle where a narcissist pushes you until you react, then uses your response as “proof” that you’re unstable or cruel.

Remember:

Are You a Female Narcissist?

At first glance, the female narcissist rarely looks like the villain. In fact, she often looks like the hero of her own glamorous story. Confident, magnetic and seemingly irresistible.

But beneath the surface is a pattern of behaviour that quietly corrodes relationships, leaving her partners questioning their sanity and their worth. Understanding these signs is not just about spotting red flags, it is about reclaiming your own perspective.

The truth about female narcissists is that they rarely appear dangerous at first. They move through the world with charm, allure and an almost magnetic confidence that draws people in. Unlike the caricature of arrogance, we often associate with narcissism, the female narcissist cloaks her toxicity in seduction, vulnerability or even playfulness, making her far harder to recognise.

Madea’s Idiot’s Guide to Narcissists

 “Alright baby, let me break this down nice and simple, ‘cause these narcissists out here will have you thinking you the one that’s crazy. Uh-uh. Not today. Here’s the tea:”

See, a narcissist will walk in your life smiling like they bringing you blessings from heaven, when really, they just brought chaos in a Gucci bag. They will flip the script so many times you will be dizzy, wondering if you forgot the plot. That is their game. They get power not by being right, but by making you question yourself. Next thing you know, you apologisin’ for something they did!

Do not let ‘em fool you, sugar. These folks ain’t got no cure, no fix-it kit and no “better version” waiting to come out if you just love them hard enough. Mm-mm. That’s like putting lipstick on a pig and wondering why it is still rolling…

Stop Waiting for Permission,  Save Yourself

When it comes to abuse or betrayal in relationships, there is no negotiation, no excuse, no “let me see if they’ll change.”

You do not need perfect timing, more motivation or a better reason to walk away.

Research in trauma psychology tells us that physical abuse and infidelity are two of the most damaging relational betrayals, not just emotionally, but neurologically. When you stay in a cycle of abuse or betrayal, your brain’s fight-or-flight system remains on high alert.